From the babbler to the nature lover
The quirks of other sauna guests. Unfortunately, you are rarely alone in the public sauna. You always have to share the pleasure with other people. And these others are not always nice and pleasant contemporaries. In every sauna you will find a few special types. We at Saunazeit have been on the lookout – and identified nine different ones for you.
The sauna scent artist
The Sauna Scent Artist is like a magician, with an arsenal of essential oils – a true “scent whisperer”. With the elegance of a perfume maestro and the determination of a scent tamer, she juggles her scent elixirs like an artist on a high wire.
As she drizzles on the stones, the sauna transforms into a breathtaking roller coaster ride of scents. Imagine: One moment it smells like an exotic vacation in faraway lands, the next like a lavender field at sunset. But every now and then, the scent artist loses her “nose thread” and catapults her unsuspecting sauna neighbors into an explosion of eucalyptus that would make even koalas jealous.
The Joker is undoubtedly the master of humorous heat in the sauna. With an endless supply of witty anecdotes for sauna jokes, he takes his fellow sauna-goers’ laugh muscles by storm. When he climbs the sauna bench, it’s not only a climb to higher temperatures, but also to higher levels of humor.
His jokes are hotter than the sauna itself, and his humor is as infectious as an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Whether he’s talking about a “steaming dilemma debate” or a “surprise infusion,” his punchlines hit like a gush of fresh infusion scents – unexpected and invigorating.
The Mind Reader
The mind reader has developed a remarkable ability: she believes she can read the thoughts of other sauna guests. She speaks quietly to herself and makes comments as if she knows what the others are thinking. “Oh, you really want this infusion to be over soon, don’t you?” or “Yes, I noticed you were thinking about a cold cocktail by the pool.” The mind reader gives the impression that she has telepathic abilities, but she probably just has a very vivid imagination.
The Ice King
The Ice King always has a piece of ice on hand – even in the sauna. He strokes it over his body to cool off, and generously shares pieces of ice with other guests. His mission to combat the heat in the sauna, however, has the side effect of creating little puddles of melted water everywhere. The question is whether his “cool” strategy is really effective or just makes for a damp surprise.
The sauna philosopher
The sauna philosopher uses the heat to take his thoughts to a new level. While the other guests are seeking relaxation, he is deeply involved in metaphysical discussions about the universe and existence. “Is the heat of the sauna the crucible of our knowledge?” he asks, answering his own questions with a mysterious nod. His ability to turn any conversation into an abstract debate makes the sauna seem like a lecture hall for theoretical physics.
The Weight Loss Wizard
The Weight Loss Wizard has a unique theory: he is convinced that the more he sweats in the sauna, the more weight he loses. During a sauna visit, he feels like he’s in a gym, where every drop of sweat brings him closer to his weight loss goal. With enthusiasm, he tells anyone willing to listen how he has found a new self thanks to his “magic” weight loss trick.
The Health Guru Gang
The Health Guru Gang firmly believes that the sauna can solve all medical problems. They tell stories about miracle cures and consider every infusion as a kind of magic. “Do you have a cold? Go to the sauna! Sore muscles? Sauna! Existential crisis? Sure, sauna!” Her enthusiastic conviction makes the sauna seem like a modern version of Camelot, where sweat is the ultimate medicine.
The Aromatherapy Architect
The aromatherapy architect has one job: to create the perfect scented atmosphere in the sauna. She strategically arranges flowers, herbs and scented candles on the benches to create a harmonious scented landscape. Her scent design is so sophisticated that the sauna smells less like a sweat bath and more like a beguiling perfumery.
“Hot in here again, isn’t it?” The Chatterbox is a social person, but often alone in the sauna. Nevertheless, he openly lives out his urge to maintain contact with other people. He does not know any limits. Although most of the other guests want to relax in the sauna, he blithely chats away. He really tries to engage everyone in conversation. It gets worse when two chatterboxes meet. They talk about the obvious even during an infusion – and just won’t shut up. In the process, it’s not uncommon for details to be divulged that really don’t interest you. For example, the story of the last visit to the urologist. Flee, a “shush” won’t help here.
The slippery fish
The slippery fish sweats very quickly and he wants you to know that too. He does not shy away from body contact, even in the sauna. If the rows are already crowded during the infusion, he will still look for a place, no matter how tight it is. This is no problem for the slippery fish. The sweat serves as a lubricant and he slips into every narrow gap. If you haven’t noticed yet that he sweats, he’ll go one better: He grabs his wet body with pleasure – and spreads his sweat. You won’t miss it either, we’re sure…
Yes, life is very hard. Especially when suddenly heat comes along. The whiner is only too happy to let his fellow saunas share in this. “Phew, Hach,” he moans unmistakably. He wants you to know he’s suffering. If you think ignoring the whiner will help, you’re wrong. He really gets going then. It gets especially bad, because it’s especially warm, during the infusion. With each round, he increases the volume of his moaning. And when he steps back into the cold, he comments with a loud “Uh”.
The splashy one
The splashy one is the really unpleasant brother of the slippery fish. He also sweats profusely and wants everyone to know that he’s about to burn up. How does he do it? Well, he stands in the anteroom of the sauna, shakes himself and sprays the other guests with his drops of sweat. As if that wasn’t gross enough, he also starts rubbing his body with his hands. Even as he does this, his bodily fluids spread around the room to everyone’s delight. It’s especially great when the squirty one has a strong body hair. The thicker it is, the more sweat he can squirt. Take to your heels.
In the sauna, we’re all naked. We present our body with all its flaws to a small public. The gaffer has only been waiting for this. He sits gleefully, well wrapped in a towel, on the wooden bench and waits to see who comes. Each newcomer is patterned with relish, from top to bottom. The special interest of the Gaffer always applies to the body center. This is where his gaze remains for a while. The object of inspection should calmly notice that his examining look just estimates the size of the own privates. That does not disturb the Gaffer, it is wrapped – and the other guests unknown.
The men’s round
The men’s round is sociable and self-sufficient. The gentlemen spend most of their sauna day at the bar, not infrequently with a wheat beer in hand. Here they have the opportunity to observe the other guests and comment on their behavior. “But Horst has also gotten quite fat”. Nevertheless, the gentlemen are sometimes drawn to the heat. They prefer to visit the hardest infusion. The sauna bench becomes the stage for their discussions about God and the world. Even the presence of the sauna master doesn’t bother them. Only the heat can stop them. In the second round, the gentlemen have mostly disappeared.
The presenter likes to be naked. He wants to show you what he has. That’s why he sits down, just as God created him, on a small towel. The wooden bench is his catwalk, on which he also wants to present his holy of holies. So he spreads his legs and thus gives the view of his privates free. The gaffer is a welcome fellow sweater for him, after all, he particularly enjoys this breathtaking view. Outside the sweat lodge, the presenter also likes to show what he has – and lies down with his legs wide open on the lounger. The looks of the others are very welcome to him, especially women are allowed to look.
The female jurors always appear in a pack and like to be well veiled. Like the gaffer, they examine the other bathers in detail – and discuss what they see. “Just look, the breasts are hanging almost to the belly button”. The female jurors’ sexes attract the most interest. For they are interested in comparing – and exposing the flaws of the others. But the jurors themselves like to cover up as much as possible. A high-necked bathrobe is just as obligatory as an enveloping bath towel. After all, the gawkers shouldn’t get to see anything.
The nature lover
The nature lover is naked like all other sauna guests. However, he does not want to present anything, but simply enjoys the naturalness. After all, we were all born naked and why should we cover ourselves? The nature lover rigorously rejects covers in the sauna bath, and this also applies to the bar. Here, too, he sits as God created him. The looks of the others do not disturb him, but interest him just as little. Because he is very concerned about his health, he also likes to do gymnastics. Of course, he doesn’t put a towel around his hips for these exercises – so that everyone can see it dangling.